Bearing Guilt
by BusyQuill
Summary: I do not own anything in this story. Chapter one of my first hobbit story. The hobbits reflect on Gandalf and what life is like without him. Please R&R.


The sun rose and another long day had begun for the fellowship. Passing through the mines of Moria was coupled with loosing their guide and now Aragorn took the lead of the weary travellers. They had arrived in Lothlorien only two days after and some had still not come to terms with the loss of their leader.  
  
Galadriel floated through the group and cast sorrowful looks at each of them, sending out an individual message.  
  
"What did she say to you?" Asked a yawning Merry to a yawning Pippin.  
  
"That there is some lembas on its way." Said Pippin rubbing his stomach.  
  
"Lembas? What's that?" Questioned Merry taking Pippins bag and rummaging through it.  
  
"I don't know." Replied Pippin snatching his bag back. "But judging the other elvish stuff we've had - it must be good! What did she say to you?"  
  
"Apparently my loss will be doubled and then halved although I won't see it. I wonder if that means I'll miss out on elevenses today as well, but I'll get lunch and afternoon tea." Told Merry. Pippin nodded.  
  
"Food for you hobbits." Said Legolas kneeling down and handing over something wrapped in leaves. "Lady Galadriel was quite demanding in my giving it to you. I would have rather kept it though - this food is too fine for such ungrateful halflings."  
  
Legolas walked away. "Was that an insult?" Asked Pippin.  
  
"Who minds? This isn't half bad." Said Merry with a mouthful of the cake.  
  
"So what now?" Queried Sam to the two hobbits.  
  
"Where's Frodo?" Said Merry whilst licking his fingers.  
  
"He's still asleep. Clutching that ring. I'm worried about him Meriadoc." Sighed Sam.  
  
"I know. But Frodo's a good.old.lad. He'll be alright." Merry Re-assured him.  
  
"I hope so." Said Sam.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Asked Frodo. Noticing Pippin staring at his hand he tucked away the ring as Sam cast an 'I told you so' look at Merry.  
  
"Oh nothing." Smiled Pippin innocently. "A little bit of this and a little bit of that."  
  
"Oh. It sounded to me like you were talking about a certain ring bearer." Said Frodo. An uncomfortable silence followed. "It's alright. I'll have to get used to being the centre of attention from now on."  
  
"Look Frodo, we." Began Merry.  
  
"It's fine Merry. Honestly, I do not mind." Blushed Frodo. "So what are you doing today?"  
  
"Well, I was thinking of following Legolas to see where he goes every day." Said Pippin.  
  
"Do that and you will find yourself hanging from an arrow in the top of the highest tree." Scowled Legolas before giving an unusual warm smile.  
  
"Sorry." Mumbled Pippin as Legolas climbed the tree above them.  
  
"What do you suppose is wrong with him?" Asked Merry.  
  
"I know, he seems to be a lot happier here and he talks a lot more even though we rarely see him." Agreed Pippin.  
  
"Well whatever it is we ought to stay out of his way. Joke or not I do not like the idea of hanging from a tree with an arrow in my pants." Advised Sam.  
  
"Boromir and Aragorn have been acting strangely too, and Gimli just sits grumbling to himself." Frowned Frodo. "I think these woods have a certain magic to them to affect the moods of us all."  
  
"Either that or there's something in the water. Merry and I haven't touched a drop of it and we have not changed a bit." Pippin nodded as he finished his statement.  
  
"I agree. We should all stick to our wine and ale. I don't fancy changing none." Merry copied Pippins nod.  
  
"Have you seen that rogue elf anywhere?" Said Gimli suddenly from behind them causing each hobbit to individually jump.  
  
"He's just gone up that tree." Said Frodo motioning to the tree above them.  
  
"Trust him to have his head in the clouds. I wish he would keep his feet on the ground." Chuckled Gimli. He was, of course, the only one who did laugh at the play on words.  
  
Gimli walked off in search of his friend as Pippin pulled out a small piece of bread, which he shoved down his throat as his friends looked at him in disbelief at his jealous actions.  
  
"What?" He spat showering the hobbits in breadcrumbs and receiving a punch off Merry at the same time. "Ow!" He exclaimed.  
  
"Serves you right for being a greedy old so and so young Took." Snarled Merry. Pippin then drew himself in like a sulking puppy.  
  
"I think we should do something today. Maybe Strider can tell us what to do." Sam suggested.  
  
"No." Said Frodo. "I've already asked him. The best we can do is sleep, eat and talk."  
  
"I still say we should follow Legolas." Said Pippin. Immediately after he said it he heard the twang of bowstrings. "Maybe not."  
  
"Well, what can we do? We can't just sit around here all day." Said Merry as he trailed his finger in the dirt below him.  
  
"Do you think Gollum is here?" Queried Frodo.  
  
"I don't know but if that little stinker shows his face I'll give him what for." Growled Sam shaking his fist.  
  
"I don't think he would come into Elven land." Continued Frodo as if Sam had never spoken.  
  
"I agree." Said Merry. "After all of those things your Bilbo said about him and the elves."  
  
"Yes." Muttered Frodo. "But he's been in these woods before."  
  
"Has he?" Piped Pippin. Frodo nodded.  
  
The sun was now very high shining down through the trees creating small pools of light around the companions.  
  
"It's very hot here." Said Sam, hinting to Frodo that they should be doing something.  
  
"Yes." Sighed Frodo with a distant gaze. "I wonder what's happening back home."  
  
Everyone nodded except Pippin who looked down to the floor.  
  
"I miss home." He continued, staring towards the borders of Lothlorien. "I wonder if I'll ever see it again. The green hills, the peaceful folk and the lack of adventures. If this journey has taught me anything, it's be careful what you wish for."  
  
"We'll see them soon Mr. Frodo. Just a little way to go before Mordor. We're almost there." Said Sam trying desperately to cheer Frodo up.  
  
"We're nowhere near Mordor and we won't see them soon. I'm sure of that. This quest is my adventure - my own. I'll be written into tales by one of you and that will be my legacy, but I won't return. Mount Doom will be the last sight I see." Frowned Frodo. "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened." Shouted Frodo looking to the sky, waiting for the answer he needed to hear from Gandalf. "I wish none of this had happened." He still continued to wait. "Gandalf!"  
  
"Calm down Frodo." Said Merry.  
  
"I can't Merry. We're lost, not physically but mentally. Without Gandalf who are hobbits? We would still be the unknown if it weren't for him." Argued Frodo.  
  
"We'll build him a shrine when we get home." Smiled Merry.  
  
Pippin continued to look to the floor as an overwhelming sense of guilt came over him. It was his fault Gandalf died 'Throw yourself in next time' he remembered. If he hadn't been such a 'fool of a Took' Gandalf would still be with them.  
  
"A shrine?" Snarled Frodo. "He needs more than a shrine. Anyway, who could make it? Who would want it? Who would care besides you and I? The quest has failed. We can't go on without Gandalf. There are some who we could do without though." Frodo glared at the young Took.  
  
"Steady on Frodo." Gasped Merry, shocked by Frodo's sudden harshness.  
  
"Why?" Sneered Frodo.  
  
"Pippin!" Merry called after him. "Pip!"  
  
"Let him go. Maybe he will throw himself in this time. In the river." Growled Frodo.  
  
"You don't mean that Mr. Frodo." Said Sam.  
  
"Don't I?" Said Frodo with an evil glint, never before seen in his eyes, present.  
  
"Frodo, calm yourself." Said Merry putting a hand on Frodo's shoulder. Frodo spun around shaking Merry's hand off.  
  
"Why should I?" Shouted Frodo. "I have the right to shout and be angry and be sad."  
  
"Of course you do, but you're not exactly handling yourself well, are you?" Said Merry calmly.  
  
Frodo looked at Sam's concerned face, passed to Merry's expecting one and onto the back of the guilty Pippin who sulked away from the group. It was then that he remembered the cruel things he had just done and said and the burden he bore. His friends had sacrificed themselves in order to lighten the load of the ring - for him. Pippin even joined along not knowing where he was going. His clumsiness was just an unwanted addition they couldn't help.  
  
"Pippin!" Frodo shouted after him. "Pippin!"  
  
But Pippin did not look back. He continued to walk away not caring about anything much else anymore. He could not work out whether he was guilty or if he was trying to make Frodo guilty but either way he would not look back. He was going to find Boromir, the only one who would listen to him.  
  
Boromir saw Pippin approaching and immediately sensed something was wrong and his council was needed in the matter. Especially for the young halfling walking to him.  
  
"Pippin?" Called Boromir, wondering why he was so upset. "What troubles you and can you find comfort for it?"  
  
"No comfort can I find from this problem. Frodo blames me for Gandalf's death. Everyone else does too and to be honest, I'm starting to believe it myself." Sulked Pippin sitting next to Boromir. " 'Fool of a Took' he would say to me. More often than not it was well deserved. I am foolish. If I had kept my hands to myself Gandalf would be here now."  
  
"Gandalf's passing was not your fault. He sacrificed himself to save us and you. It was his choice." Said Boromir.  
  
"But I woke the Balrog." Argued Pippin.  
  
"That may be so but it could have been the noise of the orcs that woke it." Said Boromir.  
  
"But I summoned the Orcs." Frowned Pippin.  
  
"But why did we go into Moria? If you want to trace this problem to the very root it begins with Sauron, who made the ring. It was passed to Isuldir who would not destroy it, then to Gollum who let it corrupt him, Bilbo who hid it, Frodo who took the task upon himself, Gandalf for going up Cadharas, Cadharas who fell upon us, Saruman who commanded Cadharas, Gimli for suggesting the mines of Moria and Frodo for choosing to go through Moria and so on, but each of those roots has a starting reason for it. You were just a branch, as was I." Smiled Boromir.  
  
"Some comfort I have in your words. But not enough." Sighed Pippin.  
  
"Just try not to think about it. A guilty conscience is a heavier load to bear on a long wearisome quest in comparison to a pack." 


End file.
